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December 17, 2015 / texdog

Santa’s Little Helper

In the run up to Christmas I thought I should perhaps, you know, offer to help around the home a bit (and maybe earn a bit of cash for the old Bonio fund) so I have been asking about jobs that I could do. There is one job I really want but I’m not sure I am allowed it…

So after some consultation the first job mum suggested was the top job. She thought I could be Santa Paws. Not the real thing you realise but one of his deputies that sits in a grotty. I gave it a go and I think I quite looked the part

But in the end I don’t really think I suit a hat so I rejected that option…

If I wasn’t to be Santa then mum suggested that maybe I could be an Elf, helping Santa out with the presents, wrapping etc.

I quite liked the little collar uniform for this role. But being a thorough elf I did an ‘Elf and Safety’ check and classed this as a hazardous job

  • Wrapping paper – high risk of ouchy paper cuts
  • Scizzors – not suitable for an operative with no opposable thumbs
  • Sellotape – well I could be de-furred with one small slip of the sticky stuff!

So…that was the end of that

But you see the real job I want is to be a Christmas post-dog. I am so good with an envelope… and I really like to take them around the house (if I get a chance) that I am convinced that this is the perfect role. Mum gave me a trial run with an envelope and as you can see I have the right skills for the job

I am very considerate with the post as I know it is important that it gets to the right address. So all in all I was certain that this is the job for me. Until, kill-joy mum pointed out a few flaws in this job plan. Mostly surrounding the fact that

a)    I can’t read addresses (and not all post goes to Santa Paws apparently)

b)    I don’t ever actually give the envelope up (same principle as I apply to tennis balls!)

c)    When it is finally retrieved from the Retriever said mail item tends to be a bit wet and have teeth marks on it – apparently this isn’t common in the UK postal system!

Hmmm, as I lack thumbs teeth are my only transport option! Very sadly it seems the post-dog option is also a non-starter L

It’s so tricky, what is a dog to do? Having pondered this long and hard I have decided that I am fully qualified to be a pet, I am soooo good at it. In fact I feel I am the ideal pet dog. So I have put away my CV, stopped trying to be Santa Paws and instead will wait to see what he brings me in a few days time J

I hope Santa is good to you dear reader. I will let you know if he thinks I have been a good dog in 2015 and brings me some pressies (I am quietly confident).




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